so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
