Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
