I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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