First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just found puke in my bra..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
