you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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