out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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