its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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