The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
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Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
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The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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