the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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