Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
