Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
