I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Found the puke drawer
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
