the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
