we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
