so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Green mimosas i think yes
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
