I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
