turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
A bitchslap is in order.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize