these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
