ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
