saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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