Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
