i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
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According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
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I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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