Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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