I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
