Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
