After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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