I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
