the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
