Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
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I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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