oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
