You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
