Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
