I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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