what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
