My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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