he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
