I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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