just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
