so that wasnt chicken after all
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
