YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize