The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
