Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
