Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
