Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
