Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
