just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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