Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The air was thick with penises
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
