I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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