you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize