Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
