So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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