Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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