I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
