If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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