i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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