Define "chronic" masturbator.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
