just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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