we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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