i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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